worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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