she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
