I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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