We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
