My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
