STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
