3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
