Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
