too bad you live with your parents still
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
