I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
