I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
