I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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