well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
