I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
