I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You're a waste of cheezeits
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
