so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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