it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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