I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
