Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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