Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
high people should be assigned attendants
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
splinters make it hard to masturbate
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
