Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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