Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
