I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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