Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
