my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
