ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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