that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
