Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
