weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
