I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
