can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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