apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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