I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
