party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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