im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
