so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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