so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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