I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
