happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
