I heard we made out
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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