even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
