fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So vagazzling was a success
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
