So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
