if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
