And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
