so that wasnt chicken after all
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
