I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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