So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
