my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Randomize
