And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
