someone threw a dead crab at me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
