i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
