I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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